Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
