So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
