Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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