I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
