ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
