Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
