just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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