She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
