I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
