If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Your cock deserves a montage
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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