then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
