I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
