You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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