your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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