so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
