that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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