I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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