did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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