Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
