Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
