I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
