Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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