Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
