my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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