I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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