So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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