Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It's rum buckets o'clock
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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