3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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