eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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