I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
