I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
