That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
