he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
