he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
