Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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