Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
