Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
