he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
