Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
