Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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