so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
