why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
