I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
