Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
