my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
