I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
