He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
