last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she told me i tasted like america
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
