Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
