Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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