I want you more than these girls want KFC
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
