we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
This toilet bowl is my home.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
