im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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